Knowing how to support loved ones experiencing depression can be hard. We don't want to say the wrong thing, come off as inconsiderate, or make it worse. It is normal to not know what to do or say when a loved one is suffering.
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Working with hundreds of people has brought me to a strong truth - many of the most disruptive patterns in our lives come from a fear of being disliked. Our anxieties, our difficulty boundary setting, our shame.
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I used to be so “anxiously attached”. When I was dating someone, I picked apart their every word or their every silence. Within moments I could go from crying (re: feeling like someone wasn’t into me anymore) to smiling (re: hearing from them).
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“I’m sorry” is not an apology. Stick with me for a minute.We are taught as children to say sorry to people when we hurt them. Our elders always tell us “Say you’re sorry” and we say “I’m sorry” and drop it.
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Did you ever notice that your poor communication habits come from a pain point? Or, at least, a fear of pain.I notice this in my own communication issues - for one, avoidance.
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You probably wouldn't be surprised to learn that January is the busiest month of the year for us. Studies have shown that January 21st (this Monday) is the most depressing day of the year.
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Rather than New Years resolutions, we encourage past year reflections. Use the month of January to consider the triumphs and tribulations you have experienced as a couple over the past year.
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True or False...Video games are healthy for relationships. I respect any reaction that comes to your mind, as I know we all have our unique experiences & biases on the matter.
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Suffering a significant loss can often feel like the rug was pulled out from under you, scrambling to find a way to relate to the same world you’ve been living in for decades under wholly new terms.
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If your trust has been broken here is what you need: The one that broke the trust needs to listen. Again and again. To show empathy. To say you understand, full heartedly, the impact of your actions.
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Validation is telling someone that you believe that what they say is true for them. Validation isn't needed to CREATE legitimacy, because the legitimacy os already there.
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Research has shown that people are motivated by 2 things:
Threat
Nurturing
While ALL couples will be motivated by both of theses factors, being motivated only by threats is not healthy for your relationship.
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Happy Friday, Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT My name is Dr. S. Kay Webb and I am the creator of Unscripted Relationships. In Western culture, we are embedded in cultural scripts that tell us how to perform romantic relationships.
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Consider this statement. It is simple, yet powerful. In fact, it describes most people. We are egocentric beings - we live within our own minds and it can be challenging to step out of our own experience and our own urge to respond in order to actually hear.
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Setting boundaries early in your relationships sets the stage for a partner that knows how to be successful for you. No one knows what you want or need unless you say it.
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"Ghosting" is when someone you're dating cut off the relationship by cutting off all communication without any explanation. This post isn't geared towards being ignored after a first or second date.
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If you imagine your relationship as a house then trust and commitment are the walls keeping everyone warm inside and holding up the roof. Without them a relationship will not make it because it will not have a home.
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Conflict is bound to happen in your relationships - if it doesn’t then you’re a unicorn and I’d love to hear from you. The way that you “kiss and makeup” afterwards determines whether the conflict deepens your connection and intimacy or creates resentment and unhealed wounds.
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