People pleasing or “passivity” can be a useful strategy now and then. As I have mentioned before, people pleasing has its merits. However, if it’s the only way you approach life it will become problematic.
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Are you in a relationship where small issues seem to escalate quickly? You're not alone. It's a common challenge for couples to bring up an issue in a way that is productive.
Read MoreAs children, we develop something called an attachment style. Fifty percent of the population develops what we call "secure" attachment.
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The anxiety you feel when you are on the verge of success, have met a goal, or are experiencing something wonderful in your life. This is the anxiety you experience when life is good - you’ve kissed success, you have what you want, life is easy.
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Learning to listen is a skill. It’s different than “hearing”. Usually, when we are in conflict with another person we are listening to respond instead of listening to understand.
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Asserting yourself means expressing yourself in a way that expresses your confidence, power, and earning respect. It’s expressing your opinions, needs, and feelings without hurting or ignoring the opinions, feelings, or needs of others.
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Personal narratives are powerful. They are developed through a mixture of experiences & personality and they create the lens through which we see the world.
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Setting the stage for a good relationship means being honest from the start. Do you have to put it all out there on date 1? No. But, as things come up they should be discussed with honesty.
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I used to be so “anxiously attached”. When I was dating someone, I picked apart their every word or their every silence. Within moments I could go from crying (re: feeling like someone wasn’t into me anymore) to smiling (re: hearing from them).
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Did you ever notice that your poor communication habits come from a pain point? Or, at least, a fear of pain.I notice this in my own communication issues - for one, avoidance.
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If your trust has been broken here is what you need: The one that broke the trust needs to listen. Again and again. To show empathy. To say you understand, full heartedly, the impact of your actions.
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Validation is telling someone that you believe that what they say is true for them. Validation isn't needed to CREATE legitimacy, because the legitimacy os already there.
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Research has shown that people are motivated by 2 things:
Threat
Nurturing
While ALL couples will be motivated by both of theses factors, being motivated only by threats is not healthy for your relationship.
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Setting boundaries early in your relationships sets the stage for a partner that knows how to be successful for you. No one knows what you want or need unless you say it.
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"Ghosting" is when someone you're dating cut off the relationship by cutting off all communication without any explanation. This post isn't geared towards being ignored after a first or second date.
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If you imagine your relationship as a house then trust and commitment are the walls keeping everyone warm inside and holding up the roof. Without them a relationship will not make it because it will not have a home.
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Conflict is bound to happen in your relationships - if it doesn’t then you’re a unicorn and I’d love to hear from you. The way that you “kiss and makeup” afterwards determines whether the conflict deepens your connection and intimacy or creates resentment and unhealed wounds.
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Are you being hard on yourself right now? Critical? I want you to read this and take it in: You are a human being. You will not and can not always prevent shortcomings, failures, and mistakes.
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