Heading into this New Year, into this new decade, can mean a time where we believe in hope for change. Perhaps this is a change among different aspects of our lives, such as our careers, our relationships, or our health.
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Research has found that kids with similar IQ but higher EQ (“Emotional Quotient”) tend to perform much better as adults.
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Many people are aware of the tired old stereotype about men that claim, “Real men are expected to ignore their emotions or pretend that they don’t exist.” Throughout my life, my professional life, in particular, I have noticed that it isn’t socially acceptable for some men to feel anything other than anger. Many are conditioned to simply feel nothing at all.
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Parenting is a challenging job; the transition to becoming a parent means lots of changes which brings with it lots of stress. The couple will have to learn how to create a new identity. Everything in your family life changes, including roles within the couple, daily activities, expression of intimacy and financial difficulties.
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These are the ways that adults perceive and respond to intimacy in romantic relationships. Our attachment type is initially determined by our upbringing and can be altered later in life by our relationship experiences. Each type determines our attitudes towards sex, views on intimacy, expectations of partners, and the way we handle conflict.
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Learning to listen is a skill. It’s different than “hearing”. Usually, when we are in conflict with another person we are listening to respond instead of listening to understand.
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Asserting yourself means expressing yourself in a way that expresses your confidence, power, and earning respect. It’s expressing your opinions, needs, and feelings without hurting or ignoring the opinions, feelings, or needs of others.
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Family therapy helps families reduce stress and conflict within their relationships in order to improve systems of interaction and connection.
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Setting the stage for a good relationship means being honest from the start. Do you have to put it all out there on date 1? No. But, as things come up they should be discussed with honesty.
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I used to be so “anxiously attached”. When I was dating someone, I picked apart their every word or their every silence. Within moments I could go from crying (re: feeling like someone wasn’t into me anymore) to smiling (re: hearing from them).
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Did you ever notice that your poor communication habits come from a pain point? Or, at least, a fear of pain.I notice this in my own communication issues - for one, avoidance.
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Rather than New Years resolutions, we encourage past year reflections. Use the month of January to consider the triumphs and tribulations you have experienced as a couple over the past year.
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If your trust has been broken here is what you need: The one that broke the trust needs to listen. Again and again. To show empathy. To say you understand, full heartedly, the impact of your actions.
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Validation is telling someone that you believe that what they say is true for them. Validation isn't needed to CREATE legitimacy, because the legitimacy os already there.
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Research has shown that people are motivated by 2 things:
Threat
Nurturing
While ALL couples will be motivated by both of theses factors, being motivated only by threats is not healthy for your relationship.
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Consider this statement. It is simple, yet powerful. In fact, it describes most people. We are egocentric beings - we live within our own minds and it can be challenging to step out of our own experience and our own urge to respond in order to actually hear.
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Conflict is bound to happen in your relationships - if it doesn’t then you’re a unicorn and I’d love to hear from you. The way that you “kiss and makeup” afterwards determines whether the conflict deepens your connection and intimacy or creates resentment and unhealed wounds.
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“Small things often” is the mantra that happy and healthy couples abide by. They realize that it isn’t the big vacation, the big ring, or the surprise party that maintains a happy and healthy relationship.
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