Learning to be Assertive

Asserting yourself means expressing yourself in a way that expresses your confidence, power, and earning respect. It’s expressing your opinions, needs, and feelings without hurting or ignoring the opinions, feelings, or needs of others.

It means believing that you can be “nice” and still have a differing opinion. That saying “no” doesn’t equate to being mean.

How to be assertive

On my feed I have a lot of posts about boundaries & assertiveness. There are many ways to go about them. Pick what feels right to you.Here is one template:▪️I think...▪️I feel...▪️I want...▪️and, if this doesn’t work, then you include an “ultimate solution” which lets the person know how you’ll proceed if they can’t meet your needs

When saying no doesn't feel like enough

Sometimes saying “no” is a complete sentence. At other times, you might want to say more.

Here is a template that you can use when you need to make an assertive request:

1. Start out with an optional justification."I haven’t gotten any sleep this week” "my child isn’t feeling well” "Scary movies have always made me feel uncomfortable”...

2. Use a softening statement- "Would you mind if...” "I am going to need to...” "I’d really appreciate if we could...” 3. Talk about what you want: "Would you mind if we rescheduled for next week?” "I am going to need to come in later today”. "I'd really appreciate if we could watch something else”.

4. Express appreciation: "Thanks for understanding!"

Philadelphia Marriage Therapy

Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT is a Marriage & Family Therapist living in the Philadelphia suburbs and working in the heart of downtown Philly. Elizabeth supports individuals and couples build awareness of themselves to facilitate healthier and happier relationships with the world.