Have you ever heard of triangles? Murray Bowen, a pioneer in family therapy, observed triangles in families. A 2 person relationship is the basic unit of any emotional system.
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You might physically be around each other more frequently after the arrival of your little one, but finding ways to connect can be challenging. You’re keeping a little human alive and staying in tune with their needs might take up all your bandwidth.
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Why does a baby change your sex life? The causes of this are varied:
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During their research, John and Julie Gottman found that 1/3 of couples report marital satisfaction following the birth of their child. These couples do certain things to maintain positive feelings towards each other.
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Are marriages ruined by having children? Different studies by husband and wife teams, The Cowan’s and The Gottmans, show decreases in marital satisfaction after the birth of a child for about 2/3 of couples.
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In Dr. Helen Fisher’s research on broken hearts, she found that once a partner recognizes that they are “never, ever getting back together” they might enter the “abandonment rage stage”.
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When a relationship that we aren’t ready to leave ends, it’s a common response to initially “protest” this loss. According the Helen Fisher, there are three phases that are common following a break-up.
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When you get dumped it really is painful. This article focuses on a common first response to having your heartbroken: the protest response.
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I want to talk about the “mental load” today. This post might make some people feel uncomfortable but it’s really important for individual and relational health.
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Attachment styles are not set in stone. They change over the course of our lives. They are first impacted by childhood, but continue to be molded by further experiences of relationships, life, and emotional and mental health.
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Avoidant attachment is the result of caregivers rejecting or ignoring a child’s emotional needs. Consistently telling a child not to feel or that what they are feeling is “bad” or ignoring them when they’re hurt or upset will result in a child that gives up on connecting.
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This attachment group is the 2nd largest with 20% of the population experiencing it. When you relate with others and are impacted by this attachment style you might find yourself being viewed as “needy”.
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Secure attachment is an adult attachment style that shows up in romantic and other close relationships. Secure attachment is usually developed in childhood. Securely attached children find that their parents are there when they need them but also allow for independence and space.
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Attachment styles are developed in childhood in response to how your caregivers related to you. Then, in your adult romantic relationships you relate with your partner’s through the style that you developed.
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Listening is a skill. It’s the ability to hear someone and understand and also make them feel understood. We aren’t naturally very good at listening. Human beings are ego centric by nature, which means we easily relate everything and anything back to ourselves.
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All of these parts matter. When you enter a relationship you are still a “you” and your partner is still a “them”. There will be pieces of you that stay private and quiet. There will be parts you don’t share - maybe aware and maybe not.
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Rituals are structured events or routines that you can rely on in your relationship. A special aspect of rituals is that if they are strong they get passed down. Rituals make an imprint on life beyond you. Rituals include:- big rituals around things like holidays and birthdays.
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So many of us view self care as a luxury. A day at the spa, a day playing hookie from work or school, a vacation away from responsibilities. While these are some ways to practice self care, they are not a sustainable practice for most people.
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