Wedding Planning Meltdown!
By Deirdre Cosgrove, LMFT Deirdre is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the State of Pennsylvania. Deirdre supports individuals and couples to develop healthier communication patterns and thrive in their relationships. She specializes in premarital counseling and also with couples that have busy professional lives. Deirdre has training in Prepare/Enrich Premarital Counseling and Gottman Method Couples Counseling.
Wedding Planning Meltdown
Well, it finally happened.
My fiancé and I are in the midst of planning our wedding, and we had the epic fight that everyone I know who has planned a wedding told me about (most told me after I relayed this story and told me it was completely normal, which was encouraging!) I thought I was immune, since I'm a couples therapist, which I realize now makes me sound ridiculous 😀
I work with couples all the time! Surely I can handle my own feelings and take my own advice.
Oh, if only it were that easy!
Philadelphia Premarital Counseling
What I failed to appreciate beforehand was just how much emotional energy goes into planning a wedding. Suddenly our conversation about table shapes and the pros and cons of a wedding cake, took on a life of their own. When my ideas were not initially met with enthusiastic support, I was absolutely crushed! I had been working on this plan for the wedding for so long, that I wasn't expecting him to disagree with me. His valid questions and concerns came across as a criticism, which in the moment, was hard to take.
I also have come to appreciate the difference between thinking about planning a wedding and actually doing it. Before we got engaged, I had one vision of what our wedding would be like and what would be important to me. Now that this vision is becoming a reality, I found that I care more about certain details than I had anticipated. (Yes, a cake is silly in theory, but they are cute and now I want one!)
Our fight also clarified that there were layers of expectations and dreams buried in the great cake debate. We each have different ideas about what makes a wedding special. Those ideas have deeper meaning. For myself, our wedding venue will be in the town where I spent a lot of my childhood. It represents happy memories of when family was together. When my fiancé raised some minor issues with the venue, I took it so personally! It felt like a rejection of so many hopes and dreams. Of course, I didn't realize that in the moment. It was only through dialogue and reflection that we made that connection.
⭐ Click here to learn more about the idea of dreams within conflict!
⭐What did I learn from this argument?
1. You will argue about something stupid.
Note this without judgment, and keep things moving!
2. Take time to process together.
I'm so grateful we came back around and realized it was about more than tables. Now we can approach the rest of the planning with a greater understanding and sense of teamwork.
3. It's about your marriage, not the wedding.
Yes, I know you have heard this before. It's so cliché, but so valid. Try to hold on to this when you are arguing about the stupid thing, and it will save you a lot of hardship!
4. Hold hands.
Pause, breathe, and hold hands when you find your blood pressure boiling.Happy planning!
👰🏻🤵❤️ 🤵🤵🏼 ❤️👰🏾👰
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