Article by Mary Fung-A-Fat, LPC

No one signs up for the grief club.
There’s no mailing list, no rulebook, and no warning about your entry. One day, life looks familiar, and the next, something or someone is gone while the world continues to move as though nothing has changed.

Grief can feel incredibly lonely, even when you’re surrounded by people who care. Many clients tell me things like, “I feel like I should be better by now,” or “I don’t want to keep bringing this up.” There’s often an unspoken message that grief should be private, contained, and short-lived. But that’s not how grief actually works. From a psychological standpoint, grief is the body’s natural response to loss, rooted in love, attachment, and meaning. There is no clear timeline and no final stage you’re meant to reach. You don’t “get over” grief. You learn how to live with it.

One of the reasons grief can feel so overwhelming is that it doesn’t just live in your thoughts, but in your body as well. Research shows that grief activates some of the same areas of the brain involved in physical pain. In this sense, grief is a form of social pain. The pain of separation from someone or something that once signaled safety or belonging. From an evolutionary perspective, attachment is essential for survival, so the nervous system treats loss as a serious threat. This helps explain why concentration feels harder, emotions feel raw, and reassurance alone doesn’t bring relief.

In the grief club, emotions often don’t show up individually. Sadness might sit next to anger. Guilt might tag along with relief. Some days feel steady, and others feel like you’ve been knocked off your feet by a scent, a memory, or an ordinary moment. This doesn’t mean you’re going backward. It means your mind and body are responding to reminders of what mattered. A lot of people feel pressure to “handle” grief well by putting on a brave face. But research and clinical experience tell us that avoiding grief usually makes it harder in the long run. Making space for your feelings, even when they’re uncomfortable, is often what helps them soften over time. Managing grief isn’t about sitting in pain forever. It’s about letting yourself be human while you heal. It might look like keeping small routines, grounding yourself when emotions feel big, or allowing moments of joy without guilt. Feeling okay doesn’t mean you have loved any less. Often, joy exists because love existed first.

If you’re part of the grief club, know this: you’re not broken, weak, or doing this wrong. Your grief isn’t something to fix. Rather, it’s a response to something that mattered deeply. Healing doesn’t mean becoming who you were before the loss. It means finding a way to move forward while still holding what you loved. Many people find comfort in staying connected to what or who they’ve lost through memories, rituals, or quiet moments of reflection. Healing is less about letting go and more about learning how to carry the loss in a way that feels survivable.

No one wants membership in the grief club. But within it, many discover things about themselves and others that may not have existed before. And while you may never have chosen this path, you certainly don’t have to walk it alone.

by Mary Fung-A-Fat, LPC

Mary Fung-A-Fat, LPC is a therapist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Mary offers services online through our HIPAA compliant platform. She supports individuals and couples as they learn to navigate the end of relationships. To schedule an appointment click here.

ABOUT A BETTER LIFE THERAPY:

A Better Life Therapy was founded in 2013 with a passion for providing warm, compassionate services to individuals and families in Pennsylvania. Our team specializes in relationship health as well as individual mental health. Our team has expertise in areas like anxiety, grief, depression, pregnancy related issues, sexual issues, substance use and trauma.

We currently have in person offices in:

Bucks County, Pennsylvania

New Hope

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

The Main Line, Pennsylvania

Ardmore

The Jersey Shore

Galloway

The Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania

Easton

Virtual Locations

If you prefer to do therapy from the comfort of your home, workplace, or while out in a park,check out our virtual locations. Right now we are able to offer virtual therapy for people residing in: