Article by Mary Fung-A-Fat, LPC

We tend to treat our emotions like unquestionable truths – guilty verdicts handed down without a fair hearing. “I feel overwhelmed, so I am failing.” “I feel anxious, so something must be wrong.” But what if our emotions aren’t verdicts at all? What if they’re witnesses - sometimes reliable, sometimes biased, but always trying to tell us something?

In the world of psychology, emotions are considered data. According to cognitive-behavioral theory, feelings are shaped by our thoughts, beliefs, past experiences, and the environment around us. They’re signals; messages from your brain that are meant to help you navigate your internal and external world. Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, a leading researcher in emotion science, explains that emotions are “guesses” your brain makes based on context, history, and sensory input. In other words, they are information, not destiny.

So instead of accepting every feeling as fact, try putting your feelings on trial. This isn’t about dismissing or suppressing them. It’s about allowing them to speak and then cross-examining them with curiosity and compassion.

Start with the emotion itself.
What am I feeling right now? Name the emotions. Research shows that simply labeling your feelings (“I feel sad,” “I feel discouraged,” “I feel stressed”) reduces emotional intensity. It’s like taking the witness out of the shadows and placing them under the light.
Next, question the evidence.
What triggered this feeling? What is it trying to tell me? Is it based on something happening now, or is it based on an old wound? Emotions are deeply connected to needs. Anxiety might be signaling a need for safety or clarity. Sadness might ask for comfort or connection. Anger often points to a boundary crossed. When you see emotions as information rather than problems, you begin translating them into meaningful insights.
Then consider alternate explanations.
This is a core CBT strategy: challenge the automatic story. Could there be another way to interpret this situation? What might I say to a friend who felt this way? Often, the emotional “evidence” is incomplete, filtered through exhaustion, stress, fear, or assumptions. You’re not invalidating the feeling – you’re making room for a more balanced perspective.
Finally, decide what action, if any, the emotion calls for.
Sometimes the action is external – setting a boundary, resting, having a difficult conversation. Other times it’s internal – self-soothing, reframing a thought, or simply acknowledging, “I’m having a human moment.” Emotions don’t always require a grand response. Sometimes they just need to be heard so they can soften.

When you put your feelings on trial, you regain your agency. You stop letting emotions dictate the narrative and start letting them inform it. Remember, feelings are real, but they’re not always accurate. They’re messengers, not judges.

Treat them with respect, listen closely, and then decide intentionally what story you want to live.

by Mary Fung-A-Fat, LPC

Mary Fung-A-Fat, LPC is a therapist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Mary offers services online through our HIPAA compliant platform. She supports individuals and couples as they learn to navigate the end of relationships. To schedule an appointment click here.

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