Article by virginia lauterbach, LPC, r-dmt

Young children can have big emotions. As parents, it might be difficult to conceptualize how to help them in the moment. However, there are ways to help promote emotional regulation in your child, even at a young age.

The American Psychological Association defines emotional regulation as “the ability of an individual to modulate an emotion or set of emotions.” This can be done consciously or unconsciously. In the case of working with your child, you will be explicitly helping them to regulate their emotions.

In order for conscious emotional regulation, there must be a sense of emotional awareness. What is your child feeling? Can you identify how your child feels? Are they able to state how they feel? As a parent, you might be able to identify how your child feels through non-verbal cues. If they are angry, maybe you notice their eyebrows creasing together, nose scrunching up, or hands balling into fists. While it is important for you to be emotionally attuned to your child, they also have to be able to identify their feelings. Again, even young children can learn to identify basic emotions! A feelings chart can help children identify emotions in a developmentally-appropriate way. You can also label either emotions when you recognize them. In the case of anger, you could say, “I see your hands are making fists; you look angry right now.” This helps create the connection between bodily sensations and feelings.

Once there is a sense of emotional awareness, coping strategies can be introduced with your child. Coping strategies are an action or thought process used in stressful or unpleasant situations to modify one’s reaction to the situation. Coping skills can either up-regulate or down-regulate us. Think of up-regulating as energizing yourself and down-regulating as calming yourself. Most times, down-regulating coping strategies are used. These calming coping skills can include mindfulness, deep breathing, using the five senses, affirmations, etc. After the emotion has been identified, invite your child to engage in a coping skill with you. It can be helpful to give them two choices, allowing them to pick the skill they prefer.

It is important to note that coping strategies should be taught to children before the big emotions occur. Our brain and bodies are not able to take in and implement new information at these times. So, next time you are playing with your child, try introducing a simple skill, like deep breathing, and practice together!

Interested in doing more specific work around parenting? Connect with me!

BY virginia lauterbach, LPC, r-dmt

Virginia Lauterbach, LPC, R-DMT is a therapist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Virgina offers services online through our HIPAA compliant platform. She supports adolescents, families, adult individuals, and couples as they navigate relationship issues, parenting stress, anxiety, co-parenting, and trauma. To schedule an appointment click here.

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A Better Life Therapy was founded in 2013 with a passion for providing warm, compassionate services to individuals and families in Pennsylvania. Our team specializes in relationship health as well as individual mental health. Our team has expertise in areas like anxiety, grief, depression, pregnancy related issues, sexual issues, substance use and trauma.