Article by Morgan Healey, LPC

Knowing ourselves and what we need is essential, but certain ways we label ourselves can actually work against this goal. A common example I hear from clients is when they describe themselves as introverts or extroverts—using these terms as definitive labels for who they are.

My understanding of these words is that they're meant to help us identify what we need. Introverts recharge through meaningful alone time. Extroverts recharge through connecting with others. I view introversion and extroversion as two ends of a spectrum. What's true for all people, regardless of where they fall on this spectrum, is that we all require meaningful connection with others. The extent and manner in which we seek connection varies greatly from person to person, and from moment to moment.

The value of knowing where you land on this spectrum is the same as any information that helps us learn about ourselves: it's informative for building and understanding our sense of self. However, it should remain fluid, not concrete.

Our view of who we are is often clouded by who the world demands we be. A client might identify as outgoing in social settings, or shy and socially reserved, and conclude, "Because I'm outgoing, I must be extroverted." But this isn't necessarily true. How we show up in social situations is often shaped by who the world has demanded we be, rather than what feels authentic to us. Being shy or anxious socially isn't the same as needing alone time to recharge.

I view therapy as a tool to help people reconnect with their authentic selves. Sometimes life's demands interfere with our ability to safely or comfortably access our authenticity—our gut, our instincts. Building awareness of this conflict is a helpful first step. Once we become aware, we can start paying closer attention to what our soul, body, and mind are telling us they need. When we can see what we really need, these terms become helpful descriptive tools rather than limiting boxes.

When I work with clients, I enjoy providing psychoeducation about the language we use to define ourselves. I challenge the idea that we are any one thing—extroverted or introverted, positive or negative, good or bad. The truth is that human beings are not black and white, but grey. Understanding and embracing this greyness can help ease inner conflict, cultivate kindness toward ourselves and others, and ultimately reconnect us with our authentic selves.

by Morgan Healey, LPC

Morgan Healey, LPC is a therapist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Morgan offers services in person at our Ardmore location and online through our HIPAA compliant platform. She supports adult individuals, and couples as they navigate relationship issues & attachment, anxiety, depression, trauma and self-esteem. To schedule an appointment click here.

A BETTER LIFE THERAPY

A Better Life Therapy was founded in 2013 with a passion for providing warm, compassionate services to individuals and families in Pennsylvania. Our team specializes in relationship health as well as individual mental health. Our team has expertise in areas like anxiety, grief, depression, pregnancy related issues, sexual issues, substance use and trauma.