Your Complete Guide to Celebrating Your Partner’s Success
Article By: Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT, CGT
Our social bonding is created through seeing the ways in which people respond to us in moments of pain and joy. If you comfort me when I hurt, you build my trust. You add to my emotional bank account.
If you jump for joy with me when I have a win, I know you care about my success. That adds to my emotional bank account too.
It’s easy to understand why any couple would want some help dealing with hardships like unemployment or health issues. What may not be so obvious is that success can also come with its own set of challenges, especially if one partner seems more accomplished or luckier than the other.
In fact, studies have shown that if one partner is doing really well, the other partner might feel a reduce in their self esteem. People have hypothesized that it's hard for partners to support each other's successes because in an evolutionary sense when a partner is doing well it might mean they will be attracted to other mates.
As people consciously entering into our relationship, let's not let this type of fear prevent us from loving on and celebrating the people that matter to us most. You need to avoid jealousy and fear so you can operate as equal partners and cheer each other on.
So, try these tips for supporting your partner's success.
How to Handle Your Partner’s Success
Acknowledge your feelings.
Maybe you feel a little guilty about having mixed emotions about your partner’s triumphs. Accepting your reactions for what they are will help you to make constructive changes.
Resist comparisons.
You may be causing your own distress by ruminating over how you compare. Instead of comparing yourself to others, devote yourself to developing your own potential.
Enjoy your differences.
You and your partner probably excel in separate areas. That is wonderful and the reason that partnership can be so powerful.
Ask for what you need.
Let your partner know what you like about your relationship and what you want to do differently. Keep the lines of communication open.
Make room for yourself.
Make sure that you make time for your own interests so that it doesn't feel like their success if the only thing that matters. Hold onto your dreams. Find fulfillment in raising a family, doing meaningful work, or playing the tuba.
How to Encourage Your Partner’s Success
1. Offer praise. The same compliments mean more coming from the love of your life than from anyone else. Speak positively to each other.
2. Listen closely. Take an active interest in what your partner is doing. Give them your full attention when they talk about what they did today.
3. Recognize effort. There may be a lot of setbacks and learning experiences before your partner succeeds. Be proud of them for trying. Remind them that you’re on their side when they’re struggling.
4. Pitch in. Lend a hand when your partner has a tight deadline or heavy workload. Take over some extra household chores and create an environment that will help them shine, whether it means preparing their lunch or taking extra childcare duties.
5. Focus on giving. Work at being generous and grateful to each other. The more you build your partner up, the more love and happiness you’ll both receive.
Remember that success reflects well on both of you. You’re not responsible for your partner’s self-esteem or performance, but you can have a huge impact on how they feel and how far they go. Pull together and share the rewards of your hard work and special talents.
Are you ready to work on improving your relationship? Our therapists are here to help. You can learn more about how to have a healthy relationship in both individual and couples therapy.
Philadelphia and West Chester Therapist
Elizabeth is a Philadelphia therapist supporting couples and individuals struggling with unhealthy relationships, setting boundaries, infidelity and life stressors. Elizabeth is the Director of A Better Life Therapy where you can find counseling support for mental health and relationship issues in Pennsylvania.