Myth #5: Unhelpful Quotes

By Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT 

Myth #5 pulls apart some popular quotes that I hear thrown around a lot. Their popularity creates in imprint in our consciousness and, I believe, that without thinking much about it can impact the way that we fantasize about and engage with relationships. Here are a few of my least favorites: ”I’m selfish, inpatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best”. Yes, we all struggle at times and our commitment to each other provides room for our humanity. Commitment asks us to offer love, patience, and forgiveness in difficult times. However, I often see this quote being used to create total acceptance of poor behavior. While we all get out of control sometimes, it’s not okay to be out of control. We need to take responsibility for that in our relationships. It can cause damage and harm. Your partner might need you to apologize. They might not love those moments. They might put down boundaries. And, ultimately, if your behavior is abusive your partner does not have to love you through that. “Time Heals all Wounds”. As we know, time doesn’t heal all wounds. Wounds do not heal with just the passing of time. It takes effort to heal wounds. They need nurturance, love, and care. And some wounds never heal. The best step towards healing a wound isn’t just to “wait it out” it’s to take action and to find out what your partner needs in order to heal. Thanks for tuning in as I shared some of the biggest myths I come across when working with my amazing couples. 

Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT is a marriage therapist practicing in Center City, Philadelphia. Elizabeth works with couples of varying ages and levels of commitment to help them understand their relationship better.