Book Review: What Happened to Make You Anxious? By Jaime Castillo
Review by Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT
anxiety
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anxiety 〰️
Big T vs. little t
A few years ago, Jaime Castillo visited the Love Learners in my program Love Lessons 365. She was one of my first presenters and she met with our group to talk about trauma and it’s impact on relationships. During her session, she talked with the participants about what she called “little t” traumas. A “little t trauma” is any event or ongoing situation that causes distress, fear, and a sense of helplessness. This is different than what many people believe trauma to be the result of - for example a car accident or military experience (both of which can result in what we call “big T traumas”).
I was blown away by how well she described the “little” t’s to the group and so were they.
For many in that session, it was the first time they had heard the term and the first time they felt validated. In fact, when new members watch the recording they are blown away. I remember thinking “Jaime should really write a book!”. Luckily, she did.
In her book she helps tie together how trauma, even those traumas we might be totally willing to admit to ourselves, can play a significant role in our anxiety.
Overview
What Happened to Make you Anxious? is described as a revolutionary guide to help you change the way you manage your anxiety—by working with it rather than against it by providing the key to understanding the root cause of your anxiety, so you can break free from its grip. The book is relatable, easy to digest, and filled with practical tips for managing anxiety. It is not overly cerebral, wordy, or filled with activities that work better on paper than they do in real life. In fact, it’s just the type of suggestions that I believe therapists actually give their clients in the therapy room.
Taking your anxiety to tea
When I was in therapy several years ago, I remember a sign in the waiting room that said “take your anxiety to tea”. It took me a moment to work out what that even meant but when I did, I realized how brilliant it was. If I only I could learn to be a friend with my anxiety than a foe, maybe I could learn a little something from it. Maybe, I wouldn’t resist it so much.
In Castillo’s book, she described how anxiety can actually be your friend. She writes “most people who live with anxiety devote a great deal of energy trying suppress it rather than understand it. This makes sense, in a way. When we’re committed to putting out a fire and using all of our resources to do so, we can’t simultaneously get to know why the fire started in the first place. As long as we are actively suppressing anxiety, our ability to understand it fully will be compromised.” She goes on to say “once you’re able to accept your anxiety as an entity separate from yourself, it becomes something you can be curious about and have. relationship with”.
As readers move through the book they are guided through that first feeling I had in my therapists waiting room “huh? what do you mean anxiety can be my friends?” to fully understanding how you can actually sit down, as if you were having tea with it, and learn it’s wisdom.
When your the type that can't open your email because you think someone’s mad at you
Sometimes I get a weird feeling that an email is going to have something within it’s contents that is going to be…mean? upsetting? stressful? Whatever that feeling is, I then get another feeling - anxiety. And my anxiety can lead me to ignore said email. But not only that email, my entire email box all together.
Enter avoidance. One of the biggest outcomes of anxiety can be the behavior of avoidance. As Castillo says, “we have had many years of experience avoiding what’s painful lor uncomfortable, and often avoidance behaviors are successful in helping us align with our goals”. So what’s my goal when I am avoiding my emails? To avoid pain, of course. And it works…at least for a little while.
In What happened to make you anxious? , Castillo offers reflection prompts to help you better understand exactly where this behavior came from and how it impacts you. Building that awareness in crucial in starting the process of change.
Awareness + Skills = change
Castillo’s book guides you through better understanding your own anxiety - where did it come from? Why is it still here? Is it helpful or unhelpful? Is it based in the present or the past? And what the heck can I do with it?
She guides you through answering these questions for yourself and helps you to build not only insight but skills to allowing your anxiety to exist in a way that allows you to fully thrive in your life - rather than exerting all of your energy suppressing it.
If only I had Jaime Castillo’s book several years ago, maybe I could have just had tea with anxiety instead of many sessions with my therapist (although, let’s get real this book AND my therapist would have been a wonderful combination - I needed both).
About the author
Jaime Castillo, LCSW is the founder of Find Your Shine and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker specializing in the treatment of trauma and anxiety disorders. She is a Certified EMDR Therapist and an EMDRIA- Approved Consultant and a Certified Exposure and Response Prevention (ExRP) Therapist. She enjoys working with adults experiencing PTSD, OCD, Phobias, and Generalized Anxiety. You can find her on Instagram here
Jaime obtained a Bachelor of Science degree in Psychology from Arizona State University and a Master of Social Work degree from Arizona State University, where her work was published in the Advances in Social Work Journal. Jaime graduated at the top of her class with high distinction.
Jaime has been featured for her mental health expertise in The AZ Republic, Inverse Journal, The Verge online publication, Popsugar, and Channel Kindness, a project of Lady Gaga's Born This Way Foundation. She was named a Top Inspiring Phoenix Professional in Phoenix Voyage Magazine in 2018, and was a speaker at the 2020 Global Resiliency Summit alongside world-renowned mental health professionals. She is the author of "What Happened to Make you Anxious? a self-help book published by New Harbinger in 2022.
In addition to her clinical work, Jaime enjoys her work as a clinical supervisor, providing oversight and training to associate level therapists and interns. She believes the most impactful way to provide far-reaching, high quality care is to train therapists to be compassionate and competent trauma-informed providers.
To buy Jaime Castillo’s book “What Happened to Make You Anxious?” look wherever books are sold. Amazon link here.
Jaime’s book is also available at our Better Life bookshop in our Center City office.
Want to work on your anxiety?
If you need a companion to support you through reading this book, our therapists our here to help. Therapists at A Better Life offer therapy in Pennsylvania (online and in person), New York (online), New Jersey (online), Maryland (online), Utah (online), and Delaware (online). You can learn more about our therapists here or schedule online anytime on our scheduling page.
If you’re in Arizona, you can work with the author and her colleagues at Find Your Shine Therapy visit them at https://www.findyourshinetherapy.com/.