How COVID-19 has Taken our Routines
And what you can do to create stability and security in your life
By Ariel Stern, LPC, CGT
Deep sea fishermen have rotating sleep schedules.
ER doctors have pee breaks.
Even firefighters brush their teeth.
It doesn't matter if you're an adrenaline junky or a spontaneity monkey, humans crave routine and, for most of us, an element of predictability. These can manifest themselves in a number of ways ranging from a monthly trivia night with college friends to knowing your kids would be picked up at the same bus stop by the same curly haired driver with the hot pink nails every weekday morning. Predictability is good. It gives us a sense of control, the ability to plan and follow-through, and most importantly, it dampens the enormous weight and anxiety that often accompanies adulthood.
We are in all ways creatures of habit. Even when those habits yield less than desirable results we trudge on. It’s why it’s hard to lose weight, drink less, cut back on social media, exit unhealthy relationships or keep new year’s resolutions. In 2021 Forbes magazine wrote that between 75%-92% of New Year's resolutions had been mostly or totally abandoned by February 1st.
While a few lucky ones have been able to maintain their routines, COVID, even two years in, continues to act like a bad game of dodgeball; you have one ball, COVID has 50,000 and counting, and you're being pelted while you perform menial but necessary tasks.
Real examples of thwarted routine as sampled by colleagues, family, and friends:
"I went to get tofu on a Sunday. Took me three stores in a major metropolitan area to give up on my tofu dream. It was out of stock everywhere due to supply chain shortages. I microwaved salsa instead and called it Chilli" - Avery S.
"I work weddings as a bartender. It's my only source of income while I'm in school, and recently my shifts have been canceled 24 hours before I'm scheduled to go in. It also means that I've turned down other social or academic offers because of work, and then I'm left empty-handed." - Chris S.
"I'm a teacher and during the Omicron surge, we weren't told until 6pm on Sunday whether we'd be in person or not. This meant spending my weekend planning for both virtual and in-person lessons as well as organizing backup support at home in case I was at work." - Meredith D.
"Everyday is roulette with whether the kids are in school. We have had to take them home in the middle of the day because they are close contacts of someone in their class. I have to cancel my appointments for the day and reconfigure my whole schedule, not knowing if my child can be back at school that week." - Melissa M.
"We were scheduled to fly home from Italy on Jan. 1. We all tested positive for Covid so we had to rent an apartment in Florence to quarantine for an extra 10 days." Maya J.
While this is a range of responses, everyone here has felt the disorientation, frustration, and sometimes enormous financial toll that unpredictability has on us. So what do you do when the Covid dodgeballs are comin' at you like an angry Canadian goose?
Tips for building a feeling of safety in an unpredictable world
1) Whether you’re in recovery or not, The serenity prayer, most often used in Alcoholics Anonymous, offers one of the best mantras: “god grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” say it over and over again.
2) Plan a few back-up plans, or "BUPS" as my sister likes to call them. Taking a trip? Get travel insurance. Kids in school this week? See if there's a flexible babysitter, family member, or trustworthy neighbour who can be on "BUP" duty.
3) Find a routine where you can. Be consistent with your sleeping, eating, doctors appointments or therapy appointments.
4) Laugh. Find camaraderie. There isn't a single person on earth who hasn't been affected by COVID's finicky ways. If memes help, then find ones that make you chuckle. If you need a fellow parent or bartender to commiserate with, be honest with those around you.
5) Embrace the weird moments of opportunity that these past few years have provided.
6) Scream
7) If you haven’t already, watch Encanto and sing along to all of the songs.
But no matter what, make like a fireman, and don't forget to floss.
Ariel Stern, LPC, CGT is a senior therapist and Clinical Director at A Better Life Therapy, LLC. Ariel specializes in couples, conflict, and substance use issues. She is a Certified Gottman Therapist and Certified in Ecosystemic Therapy. She works with individuals, couples, and families in the Ardmore, Pennsylvania office and sees people virtually across Philadelphia.
To read more about Ariel click here.
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