Why we Should Stop Shaming People who Contract COVID-19
Article by: Ariel, Stern LPC
You’d be hard pressed to find a newspaper, social media site, or radio station these days that doesn’t have a near constant stream of Covid-19 updates and of course, Arianna Grande’s new engagement. From daily death tolls to rising case-counts and vaccination distribution, much of the information is statistical and objective in nature. Wear a mask, social distance, don’t travel, wash your hands, dogs are better than cats, Trader Joe is the superior grocer. Duh. Thank you Dr. Wenowdis. We know dis! We know that symptoms can range from mild to ruining, and that just because your case only left you unable to tell the difference between fresh doughnuts and a gas leak, you still shouldn’t make light of it. And while there are countless resources for managing Covid anxiety and Covid illness, there’s a hole in this Covid cake for addressing the inevitable emotional toll that comes when Covid sweeps through your home and leaves everyone physically healthy, but emotionally shook. (For those of you who get the My Big Fat Greek Wedding reference, I salute you).
Let’s pose a scenario. You and your “pod” have been diligent for months. You make sure your mask fits snugly over your mouth and shnozz, you take nightly peroxide baths, and you’ve memorized every line to Jake Gyllenhal’s “Bubble Boy.” But then, someone gets a cough. “It’s nothing,” they say. “Just cold weather asthma.” And while their “asthma” never gets worse, you’re starting to feel a tickle in your throat, and your brother, who visited last week after testing negative calls you with a high fever and chills. At this point everyone reaches for their (metaphorical) holster and what you’ve got is a Covid shoot-out. Who did it? Who do we blame? Who do we guilt-trip? Who do we send to the garage to sleep in the car? Whodunit? … Dis, we do not know.
Does it matter? Kinda. But why? Oh man, I’d need like ten other blog posts for that one but we can start small. Yes. It does matter from an epidemiological and contact-tracing standpoint, but that’s not what we’re focusing on here. Instead, let’s process our FEELINGS because as satisfying as it is to castigate the source of the spread, you’re not helping what is already a stressful situation.
You’re mad, scared, confused, and defensive. It’s tempting to want to blame whoever brought Covid into your home as a reckless, selfish pariah. It feels good to sit on your sanitized throne (mind you, with a rattle in your chest and slap cheeks) to tell your loved one that “you were responsible, but they didn’t follow protocol.” But to accuse someone of carelessness as the cause of infection is to assume that the 17.8 million people in the U.S. who have had it were all irresponsible as well. Sure, some of them were and some will continue to be, but what’s far more important than pointing pistols is taking a practical and emphatic approach. Call those you were in contact with and make sure they are safe, care for those in your home who are sick and/or anxious, quarantine the full 10 days and remind yourself that you are some of the lucky ones who got infected and came out the other side physically unscathed.
Ariel Stern is a Philadelphia and Ardmore therapist supporting couples, young parents, women experiencing postpartum depression, and people struggling with addiction and substance abuse as well as general anxiety, depression and trauma. Additionally, Ariel provides career counseling to those struggling with professional identity, job transition and/or new graduates starting their careers.