Which Role(s) do you Play in your Family of Origin?
Article By: Lauren Butler Rosner, LCSW
The holidays can often bring up conflicts within oneself related to one’s family of origin. As a way to better understand these internal conflicts, let’s talk about Family of origin and some of the roles people play.
Family of origin refers to the significant others that a person grows up with such as caretakers, siblings, adoptive family, etc. Our first relational experiences impact how we interact with ourselves, others and the world around us.
Different people play different roles in a family. These roles contribute to the family’s equilibrium and dysfunction all at the same time. Family members can hold more than one role and those roles can change over time. The roles you play in life and relationships outside of the family can also be different than the roles you play inside the family.
The caretaker - the one who takes responsibility for including everyone, making sure everyone is “ok,” often neglecting their own needs.
The Hero: the “successful” and independent one of the family, the family’s pride.
The scapegoat: the individual who is struggling to find their footing, often seen as the problem and tends to distract from other issues in the family.
Lost child: the person who fades into the background.
The same way that individuals develop and change over time, families do as well. Throughout the life of a family, there are common points of transition and growth - moving out of the family home, a partnership becoming more serious, having a child of one’s own. These periods of time are usually marked by stress for an individual and often for family relationships as well.
Now that you no longer live with your family of origin (and perhaps even more so if you have returned to live with your family of origin), you may notice that you have regressed back to past patterns of behavior and roles. You may even notice there is pressure to assume the same role(s) you played in the past. This is often what a trip back “home” will bring up in you. If this resonates, start by working with yourself to notice what is happening in your body, mind and relationships. What are you responding to? How does it make you feel? Try not to react, simply notice...Take what you notice to your next therapy session! This is important material to help you understand yourself better and to work through potential relational patterns that may be holding you back.
Philadelphia therapist
Lauren Butler Rosner, is a therapist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania offering therapy to residents or Pennsylvania and New Jersey. She supports individuals struggling with depression, anxiety, trauma, loss, adjustment to life changes, and/or relationship difficulties. If you believe you are having trouble with any of these subjects Lauren would be happy to meet with you for therapy from the comfort of your home (or wherever you have a private internet connection).