What is Gottman Method Couples Therapy?
Article By: Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT, CGT
If you are searching for couples therapy, you might notice that there are many different types of therapy available to you. The most popular forms of relationship therapy are:
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Gottman Method Couples Therapy
Imago Therapy
PACT Therapy
If a therapist is certified in any of the above methods of couples therapy it means that they have gone through extensive training to help couples improve their relationships with each other.
At A Better Life, many of our therapists are trained or certified in Gottman Method Couples therapy. Clearly we believe in it as an effective approach to helping you heal wounds within your relationship and improve your communication skills and connection.
What is The Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy was developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman of The Gottman Institute. Since the 1970's John Gottman has done research to explore what makes couples thrive and what it is that makes couples struggle.
While researching thousands of couples over several decades, he found some common threads among the "master's" and "disaster's" of relationships.
With these findings, he and his wife, Dr. Julie Gottman, were able to create an approach to couple's therapy that uses research based information to inform the skills and intervention used in session.
What happens in Gottman Method Couples Therapy?
During Gottman Method couples therapy, you and your partner will go through a very thorough assessment. The assessment includes an online assessment in which you provide a lot of information to your therapist by answering questions that help us to see some of the ways you might be struggling. It also includes meeting with the therapist together and alone.
At the end of the assessment, the therapist shares their findings with you by letting you know the areas that they believe you struggle with the most and by letting you know what research tells us about helping you to improve those areas.
The assessment will be measuring how your relationship is doing regarding 9 components of a healthy relationship, known as The Sound Relationship House Theory. The 9 components you will be assessed on are:
Love maps
We will look to see how well you know each other. Essentially, we want to know if you have a map of your partner's life - do you know what they hope for, how they are doing right now, and what their past has been like for them?
Shared fondness & admiration
This component helps us to look at whether or not you like each other. Do you respect the other person? Are you proud of them? Do you let them know you admire them?
Turning towards
Here, we look at whether or not you are able to state your needs or reach out to get a connection when you want it. We will also look at how well you receive each other's requests for needs and respond to each other's attempts to connect.
The positive perspective
Are you currently looking at your relationship in a positive or negative light? Is it easier to think about what is wrong with your partner or what is right about them?
Managing Conflict
As we move through the assessment stage, your therapist will look at how well you manage conflict together. Use research, we will pay attention to the types of things you are doing that are very helpful for your relationship and the types of things that might be harming your relationship. We then give you concrete suggestions that will shift the way you communicate in these moments.
Making Life Dreams Come True
Are you able to get past the day to day and have bigger dreams for your relationship and the legacy it might leave behind?
Trust & Commitment (9&10)
We assess how much you trust each other and how committed you are to the relationship. Both of these things are the bedrock for a healthy relationship.
After the assessment
After discussing your assessment results, you will move into the "intervention" stage. This is where your Gottman therapist will help you learn to manage conflict differently, increase intimacy, build life goals together, and heal past wounds.
During this phase, you will learn how to shift unhelpful communication habits, increase intimacy building habits, and have conversations that deepen your understanding of each other.
Your therapist will lead you through exercises in which the two of you talk to each other. Your therapist will be an active participant, but will direct communication between the two of you and will step in to teach you how to do it differently when necessary.
Our ultimate goal is to help you learn how to do these things outside of our office so that you can continue your relationship with the tools you learn in our office.
Who is The Gottman Method for?
All couples struggle at some point. Whether you are feeling like your relationship is stuck in a rut or you have experienced something like infidelity that has rocked your world, The Gottman Method can help.
The Gottman Method is designed to support couples across all economic, racial, sexual orientation, and cultural sectors. Outcome research has shown Gottman Method Couples Therapy to be effective for treating same-sex relationships.
Some relationship issues we have addressed using The Gottman Method in our office are:
A feeling of disconnect
Repetitive Conflict
Infidelity and other betrayals
Specific differences that cause issues like how to raise children, spend money, or focus on goals
When a couple is considering separation or divorce
Perpetual arguments that center around a past hurt, disappointment, or let down.
Gottman Method Therapists help couples talk about challenging issues, learn skills to improve their way of relating, consider ideas for maintaining intimacy, and better understand how to cope with life's difficulties together.
Does this sound like something that would benefit you?
Make an appointment with one of our Gottman Method Therapists:
Elizabeth is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist & Certified Gottman Therapist. She supports couples as they work through past betrayals, traumas and losses (like the death of a child), and other painful situations. Elizabeth is not currently accepting weekly clients and is only seeing clients for intensive couples therapy sessions. Click here to schedule a intensive.
Ariel is a Certified Gottman Method therapist. She supports couples struggling with parenthood and substance abuse recovery issues. Ariel is currently only accepting couples for intensive couples therapy sessions. Click here to schedule a intensive.
Jesse is up to Level 3 trained in Gottman Method Couples Therapy. Jesse supports people who struggle with repetitive and difficult conflict cycles.He also specializes in helping couples that are going through challenging life transitions, like career changes, new parenthood, or a major move. He is currently accepting clients for weekly therapy or intensive couples therapy. Click here to schedule with Jesse.
Emma is trained up to Level 2 in Gottman Method Couples Therapy. Emma supports people struggling with infidelity or major communication blocks. She specializes in supporting millennial clients (mid twenties- late thirties) as they navigate life with their partner while facing unique challenges like social media use, overwhelming student debt, and prolonged education/career paths. Emma is scheduling for weekly or intensive couples therapy. Click here to schedule with Emma.
Kristelle Mallah is trained up to Level 2 in Gottman Method Couples Therapy. Kristelle specializes in families that are experiencing high levels of stress. She works with families that need support with their children's behavior, coparenting issues, families going through difficult changes, and high conflict families. Using the Gottman Method she can help couples talk about their issues with less intensity so that they can move towards a life that they both want. Kristelle is currently accepting clients for weekly appointments or intensive couples therapy. Click here to schedule with Kristelle.
Deirdre is a licensed marriage and family therapist and is certified in ecosystemic therapy. She is also trained up to level 2 in Gottman Method therapy. Deirdre supports couples that are uncertain about the next steps of their relationship. She offers weekly traditional counseling or intensive therapy sessions. Click here to schedule with Deirdre.