When seeking closure is really about anxiety
Breakups are emotionally draining, leaving us with a myriad of unanswered questions, unresolved emotions, and lingering doubts. It's this uncertainty that fuels anxiety and ignites the need for closure. Anxiety thrives on uncertainty, demanding answers to questions like, "What went wrong?" or "Why did this happen?" Seeking closure becomes a way to alleviate anxiety and gain a sense of control over the situation, allowing for emotional healing to begin.
The Illusion of Closure
It is crucial to recognize that closure is not an instant remedy. It is not a magic word or gesture that will erase the pain of a breakup overnight. Closure is a gradual process, a journey of self-discovery and understanding. Often, we associate closure with a conversation, an apology, or a definitive explanation from our ex-partner. However, closure resides within ourselves. It is a personal undertaking, a quest to find acceptance and serenity within our own hearts.
How to know if closure is fueled by anxiety
When we want to share more about how we feel with our ex-partner or ask a question and we hope for a specific response to alleviate our pain then it’s over anxiety that is in control. Sometimes, we send a message hoping we will finally get the response we desire, not because we are actually open to hearing the truth within the response.
When seeking closure is fueled by your anxiety, you’ll notice yourself having an urge to reach out and request an answer or reach out to share more information about your feelings or motivations with your ex-partner. This urge often is accompanied by a physical discomfort like a racing heart, tension, or shallow breathing. You might also notice yourself feeling a sense of urgency about asking for the closure - a thought of “I need to send this message right now”.
Taking a pause
Instead of sending off quick messages to receive closure, instead try to take a pause. You can do this by labeling what you’re feeling (“I am feeling anxious right now”), identifying the “why” (“I am anxious because I miss my ex and wish they could relieve my discomfort), and then committing to yourself to put space between these feelings and the action you take. During your pause you might choose to take a shower or a walk, draw or journal, or spend time with a friend. Anything that you can do to create space between you and the thoughts you have about your ex can be helpful.
Other Strategies for Seeking Closure and Easing Anxiety
1. Self-Reflection and Acceptance: Start by turning inward and reflecting on the relationship honestly. Accept the reality of the breakup and acknowledge the emotions it has stirred within you. Understand that closure comes from within and cannot be solely reliant on external factors.
2. Grieve and Express Emotions: Allow yourself to grieve the loss and process your emotions. Give yourself permission to feel sadness, anger, or frustration, and express these emotions through healthy outlets like journaling, talking to a supportive friend, or seeking therapy.
3. Set Boundaries and Create Space: Establishing healthy boundaries with your ex-partner is crucial to moving forward. Cutting off contact or limiting interactions can help reduce anxiety triggers and allow space for healing.
4. Challenge Anxious Thoughts: Anxiety can flood our minds with self-doubt and What-If scenarios. Challenge these thoughts by critically examining the evidence for and against them. Seek support from a therapist or counselor to learn cognitive-behavioral techniques that can help reframe your thinking patterns.
5. Focus on Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote self-care and emotional well-being. Practice self-compassion, engage in hobbies, exercise regularly, eat healthily, and surround yourself with positivity.
6. Seek Support: The journey to closure after a breakup can be challenging, and it's essential not to navigate it alone. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or even a therapist who can provide guidance, empathy, and a safe space to process your emotions.
Seeking closure after a breakup is often fueled by anxiety as we grapple with unanswered questions and lingering emotional pain. It is vital to recognize that closure is an individual journey and does not depend solely on external factors. By engaging in self-reflection, expressing emotions, setting boundaries, challenging anxious thoughts, focusing on self-care, and seeking support, you can gradually find the closure you seek and liberate yourself from post-breakup anxiety. Remember, healing takes time, so be patient and kind to yourself as you work through the process.
Therapy in pennsylvania
If you’re seeking support after a break up, our therapists can help. We offer in-person therapy in Center City and Fishtown, Philadelphia, New Hope, Pennsylvania, Easton, Pennsylvania, and Ardmore, Pennsylvania as well as in Galloway, New Jersey. We also offer online sessions for residents of Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey, Delaware, Utah, and Pennsylvania.
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