Therapists are Just Humans
By; Kaylee Friedman
There is an idea floating around out there that therapists may have it all figured out. That we completely understand how human beings work, and with that knowledge live a “perfect” or struggle-free life.
This is simply not true.
Therapists are just flawed humans like everyone else. Being “perfect” is not what makes therapy effective.
From time to time we may:
Not understand your full experience.
Inadvertently make you feel judged.
Challenge you when you wanted validation.
Validate you when you wanted insight.
Suggest goals you’re not interested in.
Try to give you homework you don’t wanna do.
Not feel comfortable answering a personal question and handle it ungracefully.
Ask you a question you don’t want to answer.
Discomfort with your Therapist
You will inevitably have uncomfortable moments with your therapist. Why? Because relationships are full of pitfalls and therapists are just humans, not robots.
I say all this not to make excuses, but because this is actually a good thing! We want opportunities in therapy to practice awkwardness, anger, frustration, not getting what we need and having to stand up for ourselves, etc.
We want to have the opportunity to have a difficult encounter with another human, handle it maybe differently than we would in everyday life, and learn from the experience.
What’s (hopefully) different about the therapeutic relationship is that it’s a safe one.
Your Therapist Can Handle It
Your therapist should have done enough of their own inner work and have enough communication and self-regulation skills to openly hear your feedback without getting defensive, and repair whatever harm they’ve caused with you and work towards solutions together as a team.
This is how intimacy is built, and it’s probably the most healing aspect of therapy- the felt experience of a boundaried, grounded, and safe relationship
There’s actually more healing and intimacy within resolving tension than there is in a relationship that seems “perfect.”
SO…tell your therapist how you really feel when one of these situations comes up!
It’s more helpful to measure how you feel about your therapist by how they deal with conflict and feedback than measuring them by whether or not they’re perfect.
About the author
Kaylee Friedman is a therapist practicing in New Jersey. Kaylee sees clients virtually. She specializes in anxiety, trauma, and LGBTQ+ concerns. To read more about Kaylee click here.