3 Ways Social Media Impacts Your Relationships
Do any of these thoughts sound familiar to you:
“How does my partner know this person they follow?”
“That person likes a lot of my partner’s posts, do they like them?”
“My partner likes this person’s posts too much. What if they are attracted to them?”
“They are always scrolling on their phone, it’s so annoying”
“My relationship is nothing like the posts I’m seeing. My relationship isn’t good enough”
Chances are if you’ve thought at least one of those, the feeling it gives you is not a good one.
Social media is an amazing tool that can keep us connected and keep us informed. It’s also one of the most common sources of relationship dissatisfaction for millennials and generation Z.
There are 3 main ways that social media negatively impacts relationships.
1. Scrolling through social media reduces quality time together
How much time do you think you spend on social media each day? A few minutes, an hour, a couple hours? If you have a smartphone, you can check the screen time setting and it’ll show you exactly how much time you spend on your phone and on social media. You may be surprised by what you find. Studies have actually shown that for some people scrolling through social media releases dopamine in the brain, making it addictive. How often are you scrolling while sitting next to each other on the coach? While out to dinner? While you’re supposed to be having date night or quality time together?
2. There are lots of false portrayals of relationships online
It’s not often people post about the struggles in their relationships, so most of what we see is how perfect and amazing they are. No relationship is perfect, but if that’s all we see that’s what we start to believe that’s what a relationship should be. There are also a lot of “experts” and “coaches” out there offering their opinions on what makes relationships work. So many of these people don’t have any credentials to make them an “expert” at all. Be mindful of who’s advice you’re taking.
3. Emotional and virtual affairs are much more common
One of the most common things I hear from young couples recovering from an affair is that there was a virtual component to it. Messaging on social media, liking posts, leaving flirtatious comments. The next thing I hear them say: “It didn’t feel like it was actually crossing a line until I saw my partner's reaction because it wasn’t in person or physical”. Virtual affairs, count as real affairs. If you’re in a monogamous relationship, the only flirty, romantic, or emotional energy you should be putting out there needs to be directed towards your partner, not someone else.
All three of these things can lead to insecurities, anxiety and depression, which creates emotional distance between partners.
Luckily, there are 3 things you can do to keep social media from damaging your relationship.
1. Be mindful of who you follow
Instead of following celebrities, models, or false “experts”, follow pages that inspire you. Therapists, psychologists, and researchers that specialize in relationships have social media accounts you can follow to get real tips and tricks! If an account makes you feel worse about your relationship, unfollow it, no matter who it is.
2. Unplug
There’s nothing wrong with checking social media, we all do it! Set limits for yourself about how much time you spend on it and actively work to increase in person interactions with your partner. Studies have even shown that couples who unplug together report greater relationship satisfaction and connection.
3. Keep communication open
Talk to your partner about the role of social media in your relationship. If you’re feeling insecure, distant, or overwhelmed by it’s presence, say something! Express your feelings in a respectful way and ask for what you need. Make sure to share with your partner any positive changes you notice as a result!
Emma
Emma Carpenter, MS is an individual and couples therapist practicing in Philadelphia, PA. Emma helps millennials and Gen Z’s build better relationships with themselves and others. Emma has training in Gottman Method Therapy and is supervised by Elizbeth Earnshaw, LMFT.