Coping with Loneliness

By: Erin Sharkey, M.S.ED

For a while now, science has been pretty clear: loneliness is not great for us. It's been linked to all sorts of problems—dementia, anxiety, substance use, sleep difficulties, even physical issues such as motor decline. People dealing with depression and thoughts of self-harm often mention feeling lonely, and like nobody can quite understand what they are going through. We also know a few things that tend to make loneliness more likely such as living alone, having fewer friends or tumultuous relationships, and skipping out on social groups like clubs, sports teams, or community-based organizations. Alternatively, studies have suggested that having a supportive social circle can be a protective factor in minimizing the risks of loneliness.

Another recent study regarding the brains of people who identified as lonely also suggested some shocking, but validating, conclusions. When scientists examined the brain activity of lonely people as well as people who did not describe themselves as lonely, they found some interesting differences: the brains of people who identified themselves as lonely seemed to respond differently compared to those of people who described themselves as feeling more connected. Even further, lonely people’s brains seemed to act uniquely, even when compared to each other, while socially connected brains all responded similarly to each other. The outcomes of this study suggest that it is possible lonely people have a totally unique way of seeing the world, which might make it more complicated for them to feel connected with others.

What we know about loneliness can sound fairly negative - but, it can also be hopeful. This information can give us major hints for how to cope when loneliness does arise.

Most importantly, dealing with loneliness doesn't have to include major, intimidating changes. Even starting small can make a difference. Being open with others, experimenting with social groups that match your interests, or lending a hand by volunteering can all be a good start. Over time, these connections can grow. You may find that you start to feel more connected to your community, and experience more opportunities to build relationships with people you can trust and open up to more deeply.

Therapy is another great place to start. Individual therapy can provide you with a safe space to practice vulnerability and build emotional connections with a therapist who understands you. Group therapy is another option as well, which can provide opportunities for vulnerability with others who can support you or who may even relate. Even further, studies suggest that differences in our personalities and life experiences shape how we interpret social interactions and show up in connections with others. Working with a therapist can help us develop insight into our mindsets and interactions with others, making it easier to connect with people and for them to connect with us.

Feeling lonely sometimes is normal, but if it is becoming a persistent feeling for you, it might be time for a check-in with your doctor or a mental health professional. They can help figure out if more support might be helpful for you.

Erin Sharkey, M.S.ED

Erin is a therapist in Ardmore, Pennsylvania and offers services in person and online through our HIPAA compliant platform. She offers therapy for adult individuals, adolescent individuals, and couples who are working through anxiety, depression, body image and self-esteem issues, life transitions, and career challenges. To schedule an appointment click here.

A BETTER LIFE THERAPY

A Better Life Therapy was founded in 2013 with a passion for providing warm, compassionate services to individuals and families in Pennsylvania. Our team specializes in relationship health as well as individual mental health. Our team has expertise in areas like anxiety, grief, depression, pregnancy related issues, sexual issues, substance use and trauma.

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