Common Emotional Needs
Article By: Svea Wentzler
All human beings have emotional needs that we want satisfied. When they are not satisfied, we feel sad, depressed, lonely, hurt, disappointed, or even worthless. At times, we are sad and we are not even sure why. This exercise is designed to help you identify and specify what needs of yours are unmet as well as to help you design a plan of action to get your needs met by sharing them with others and/or doing something constructive to help you take charge of the satisfaction of your own needs.
Common Emotional Needs:
● To feel love unconditionally by at least a few people.
● To get recognized for accomplishments.
● To be touched, patted, and hugged affectionately.
● To be encouraged to do your best.
● To be listened to, understood and heard.
● To feel supported when feeling hurt, weak or vulnerable.
● To be praised and rewarded for your effort to do the right thing.
● To be treated with respect even if you disagree with someone.
● To be forgiven when you do something wrong.
● To feel accepted even with your faults and shortcomings.
● To be asked to join others in social gatherings.
● To be trusted and believed when telling your side of the story.
● To have friends you can trust.
● To have some talent or ability that gets you recognition and builds self-esteem.
● To feel you fit in with a group of friends.
● To be treated fairly, equally, and given an opportunity to succeed.
● To feel capable of competing adequately with others.
● To feel your physical appearance is reasonably attractive
● To have someone believe in your capabilities.
List any of your own additional, ‘personal to you’ needs you want to:
Many times we have unmet needs that others are not aware of because we keep them to ourselves. When we do not share them, these unmet needs can cause disappointment, pain, and sadness. However, if we could share them with close friends or family, we might often discover that these people would do whatever they can to help fill the void. It takes courage to be open about our needs because often we want to appear self-sufficient, independent and strong, but being honest with people that care about you is a sign of strength and trust. List the people who could help you get your needs met if you shared with them. Write a target date on or before which you will share your needs by.
Unmet Need, Someone to Share it with, Target Date of Sharing:
At other times, we must take steps ourselves to get our needs met and not rely entirely on others to help us. Next to each unmet need, write one or two things you could do to help yourself move closer to getting your needs met. Write target dates for completing the steps you can take.
Unmet Need, Somethings I Could do, Target Date of Action:
Now, take a moment to yourself and appreciate that you just did some hard emotional work. Thank yourself for being brave, thank yourself for showing up even when it is hard. Trust that you are learning more skills for how to take care of yourself and your relationships.
Philadelphia and Pennsylvania Therapist
Svea Wentzler is a therapist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania offering online therapy to residents of Pennsylvania. She supports individuals and couples in building healthier and happier relationships. If you believe you struggle with jealousy in your relationships, Svea would be happy to meet with you for therapy from the comfort of your home (or wherever you have a private internet connection).