Toxic Positivity: What is it and how can we navigate it?
By Jenna Rosenau, LCSW , Philadelphia Therapist
Toxic Positivity
Toxic positivity, a term coined by Whitney Goodman, LMFT, is when having a positive mindset is used to minimize a person's feelings, emotions or difficult situations. It often occurs when a person is seeking support/empathy from another person or group of people.
When experiencing toxic positivity you may hear the following:
"It could be worse."
"Just smile."
"Things happen for a reason"
"Look on the bright side."
"Sometimes, you gotta just toughen up."
These are examples of emotional invalidation. While someone may think they are supporting you, and it may also be well intended, this can inadvertently create an unsafe space to express your true feelings leaving you feeling shameful, guilty, unheard and confused. Your feelings are being minimized.
You may also hear:
"You could just do X which will stop X from happening."
"Have you thought about just doing X?”
These are examples of when people offer solutions, try to "fix" the problem, or offer unsolicited advice. Again, this may be well intended; however, the person on the other end is often looking for a listening ear and validation, not a quick solution.
Oh no! I’ve done this before!
If you're reading this and thinking, "Oh no, I've done this before”, know that it’s okay!
We all have. We are human. Next time you find yourself in a situation where toxic positivity could present itself, can you try and take a minute to pause before you say anything?
Try asking the person questions like, "tell me more, or how can I help?" Saying something like, "that must be really hard" goes a long way.
Remember, it is often OUR discomfort that comes up around feelings and emotions when we are faced with supporting someone else's. Check in on that and get curious.
Meet the author
Jenna Rosenau, LCSW is a licensed therapist in the state of Pennsylvania. Jenna provides therapy to clients in Philadelphia and across the state. In particular, she supports individuals struggling with trauma, loss, anxiety, and depression. She also has extensive background in medical trauma.