Tips for Managing Stress During Extended COVID-19 Ambiguity

By Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT

In today's world, many of us are suffering from complicated stress. When COVID-19 restrictions were initially implemented some of us found our world completely changed over night.

The day before restrictions, my son was sick so I "called out" of work and stayed home with him. And, he "called out" of school and stayed home with me. The other therapists at the office were having a meeting for their retirement plans in our conference room. Business as usual.

The next day, we were told by the State of Pennsylvania to stay home. My son did not go back to his school. I did not go back to my office. Within 24 hours, the flow of our lives changed.

A few weeks ago, I went back into my office to collect mail to find it exactly as it was. Retirement pamphlets sitting around the conference room. A jacket. A notepad. Sadly, dead plants. Items that people had always assumed they'd go back to. Maybe after the weekend. Then...maybe in one week. Then one week became a month and you know the rest.

With each passing week, we learn new information and are given shifting directives and predictions of what is next. The ambiguity alone is enough to make a human being (with their need for structure and planning) feel stressed.

Other than ambiguity, our stressors are many. Whichever stressors you had the day before COVID shutdowns were likely the stressors you still had the day after COVID shut down. Fighting with your partner? Worried about finances? Trying to figure out what to do with your life? These things might still be here. And yet, you are also carrying those alongside larger community stressors like health, economic, and social justice concerns.

And, on top of that piling mounds of stress and worry your normal ways of coping might also not be available. Your social supports might also be feeling under-resourced themselves. Your physical outlets like a gym or a dance class might no longer be there. Even the fun trip away from the kids to Homegoods just isn't available as it once was.

Ambiguity

I've found that wrapped up within all of these stressors is the experience of ambiguity as well. Humans are resilient and when given a light at the end of the tunnel they can usually keep marching towards it.

Yet, in our current times there is constant ambiguity - which directives do I follow? For how long will I be following? If we are in Green Phase today will we be in Green Phase tomorrow? If daycare is open today will it still be open in October? Should I cancel my December wedding?

Essentially we don't know where the light IS at the end of the tunnel and so we struggle to even know what to march towards or we worry that at any given moment it will change directions.

Managing Ambiguity

During times of confusion, there are some things we can do to help relieve some of the pain that accompanies it. Here are some ideas:

1. Let people know

Let trusted people know that you are feeling directionless or confused. They might be too. That is okay. Sometimes even seeing that this is a common worry and stressor can be powerful. You can also lean on people that are meant to be a space of stability for you - like a mentor, coach, or therapist.

2. Figure out what IS true

During times of confusion, it can help to consider what is stable, what does have direction, and what is true. What is true in the world? What is true in your life?

3. Begin to create a life within the acceptance of what has been lost.

A lot has been lost. And you are not sure when it will be regained. But what can be created, now? Are there new rituals? New hobbies? New ventures? Is there a new way of being that might actually be healthy for you?

4. Wallow

It is okay to wallow sometimes. There might be a lot of wallow about right now. Take time for healthy wallowing so that you can honor how truly difficult this time is.

If you're struggling with ambiguity our therapist can help. We can support you in grieving your losses and gaining certainty within an uncertain world.

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Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship educator that is passionate about helping people have better relationships with themselves and others.