Tips for Having A Better Relationship Today: New Parent Edition
...According to a Couples Therapist
By: Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT
There are small things we can do in daily life to improve our relationships. When I work with couples I have found that many become stuck by the belief that they have to make sweeping changes in order to see any improvement in their relationships.
Sometimes we do need to do BIG work, but mostly our relationships are maintained and nurtured through our daily actions.
Choose your own adventure! Relationship style
If you're reading this article right now, I want to encourage you to choose one small gesture from the list below to act on today.
1. Ask an open ended question to spark conversation.
Questions like "What are your dreams?" , "What do you think the world will be like in 5 years ?" or "where do you hope to travel next?" can spark novel conversations. Novelty is especially important during parenthood, as the sameness of every day life can make us forget how interesting our partner is!
2. Put the phone down for 30 minutes and cuddle after the baby goes down - Now, more than ever, you are likely strapped for time. At the end of the day you might want to go into what my husband calls "your nothing box". While we all need "nothing box" time, it's also important that the nothing box doesn't take over the relationship box. When we go into our "NB's" we tend to do things like scroll on our phones, watch TV for prolonged periods, or play video games. I want to encourage you to get your decompression time, but to also put the phone down for at least 30 minutes (like totally out of view) and cuddle!
3. Do a chore together and talk about your day - Fair distribution of house work is often a huge point of contention. Find time together to do housework and use that time to connect too. Two birds, one stone.
4. Bring home tiny gifts for your partner now and then - My husband will surprise me with tokens of love that show he has thought of me. Things like a pack of Starburts (my favorite!!) can really brighten my day.
5. Plan an easy date - Even if you don't have a sitter, plan something easy and special. Don't put an extra burden on yourself but use what you've got to create an intimate atmosphere.
If you and your partner would like to take time to focus on your relationship after baby, our therapists can help. We have therapists that specialize in working with new parents. Just e-mail our Director of Clinical Operations, Eunice, and she will help you to get connected with the perfect therapist match - info@abetterlifetherapy.com.
Elizabeth is a Philadelphia therapist supporting couples and individuals struggling with unhealthy relationships, setting boundaries, infidelity and life stressors. Elizabeth is the Director of A Better Life Therapy where you can find counseling support for mental health and relationship issues in Pennsylvania.