Grief & the Holidays: A Compassionate Guide

Article by Ashton GuideBeck, MFT

The holiday season is often depicted as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. But for those who are grieving, this time of year can feel like a constant reminder of what’s missing. Whether your loss is recent or something you’ve been carrying for a while, the holidays can stir up deep emotions that feel hard to manage. If you're finding this time of year particularly difficult, know that it's okay to feel what you're feeling. Grief doesn't follow a schedule, and being gentle with yourself as you navigate the season is important.

Different Types of Grief

Grief is the emotional response to loss, and while it’s most commonly associated with the death of a loved one, it can also happen after other types of loss—like a breakup, losing a job, or even when life doesn’t go as planned.

Grief is a deeply personal experience, but there are some common things that many people go through. It can disrupt your daily routine, leave you feeling physically drained, and cause issues like trouble sleeping. Emotionally, it can bring up a wide range of feelings—sadness, anger, confusion, even numbness. One key thing to remember is that grief isn’t linear. It doesn’t follow a clear-cut path, and some days may feel a bit easier, while others feel heavier. And that’s completely normal. Grief ebbs and flows, and understanding this can help you be kinder to yourself as you move through the process—without feeling pressured to “move on” or rush through your emotions.

Grief During the Holidays

The holiday season often brings traditions and celebrations that focus on family, connection, and togetherness. For someone grieving, the absence of a loved one can be particularly painful during this time. You might miss familiar routines or feel overwhelmed by empty spaces at the dinner table or in family photos. These emotional and physical reminders can intensify feelings of sadness and isolation.

Some common emotional reactions include:

Sadness: Reminiscing about past holidays spent with loved ones.
Loneliness: A heightened sense of isolation due to the absence of a loved one.
Anger: Feeling resentment toward the holiday season, or even toward others who seem to be unaffected by the loss.
Guilt: Worrying about not “celebrating” in the way others expect.

On a more practical level, the demands of holiday preparations and social events can be exhausting when you're grieving. Navigating family dynamics, shopping, or attending parties may feel overwhelming, and it can be hard to muster the energy to participate.

Caring for Your Grief

As mentioned, grief doesn’t follow a set timeline—especially during the holidays. Therefore, it's essential to approach this time with kindness toward yourself and take intentional steps to care for your emotional well-being. Here are some strategies that might help you navigate through this difficult season:

Set Boundaries:
During the holidays, you don’t have to say “yes” to every invitation or stick to every tradition. If certain events or activities feel too difficult, declining or limiting participation is okay. Giving yourself permission to say no helps prevent burnout and allows space for your grief.
Practice Mindfulness and Grounding:
Mindfulness practices, like deep breathing or meditation, can be incredibly helpful in staying present with your emotions. These techniques allow you to acknowledge and accept your feelings without judgment. Research has shown that mindfulness can reduce emotional distress and help with emotional regulation, making it a valuable tool during challenging times (Kabat-Zinn, 2003).
Create New Rituals or Honor Old Ones:
Sometimes, a new tradition can provide comfort and a sense of agency during grief. Lighting a candle in memory of your loved one or writing them a letter each holiday season can help create space for mourning and reflection. On the other hand, continuing old rituals in a way that feels right for you—whether that’s cooking a favorite meal, playing a cherished holiday song, or visiting a special place—can honor the memory of your loved one without forcing you to “move on” too quickly.
Seek Support:
You don’t have to navigate grief alone. Whether it’s through therapy, support groups, or simply confiding in a trusted friend or family member, talking about your grief can offer relief. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a form of therapy that helps manage negative thought patterns, can be especially helpful for people who find themselves stuck in cycles of grief or guilt.
Practice Self-Compassion:
Grieving during the holidays doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Be kind to yourself. Recognize that grief can be a lifelong process, and there’s no “right” way to grieve. Celebrate small victories, like getting through a difficult day, and don’t criticize yourself for feeling sad or withdrawn.

Reminder

Whether your grief is new or long-standing, taking compassionate steps toward self-care, support, and remembrance can help you navigate the season with greater peace. Remember, grief isn’t something you have to push through or ignore. It’s something to be acknowledged, understood, and nurtured with kindness. Take it one step at a time, and know that it’s okay to grieve on your own terms.

If you’re struggling, please consider reaching out to a therapist or support group. You don’t have to do this alone.

By Ashton Guidebeck, MFT

Ashton Guidbeck, MFT is a therapist in our Fishtown Office. Ashton offers services in person at our Fishtown location and online through our HIPAA compliant platform. She supports individuals and couples as they navigate anxiety, depression, relationship issues, career, and life transitions. To schedule an appointment click here.

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