4 Ways to Thrive as a Couple During This Holiday Season
By: CHENGLU DING, M.S.ED., M.PHIL.ED.
The holiday season is a time for joy, reflection, and connection. However, it can also bring stress and overwhelm, which may strain relationships. By being intentional about how you spend time with your partner and focusing on meaningful interactions, you can use the holidays as an opportunity to strengthen your bond and build intimacy.
1. Prioritize Quality Time Together
With packed schedules, it is easy to let meaningful moments slip away. Whether it’s as simple as having a cup of coffee together in the morning, taking an evening stroll, or planning a date night, spending intentional time together reinforces your connection. These shared moments don’t have to be extravagant—they just need to be about you and your partner being present for each other.
Tip: Start a holiday tradition for just the two of you. It could be something simple, like baking cookies together, exchanging heartfelt notes, or going on a drive to look at holiday lights. Traditions create lasting memories and deepen your bond year after year.
2. Communicate and Share Responsibilities
The holiday season often comes with a long to-do list—shopping, cooking, decorating, and coordinating events. Open communication is crucial to navigating these demands while staying connected. Check in with your partner about how they are feeling and share your own emotions. Expressing your thoughts openly fosters emotional intimacy and ensures you are on the same page about plans and responsibilities.
Tip: For example, use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs without blame, such as, “I feel overwhelmed with the holiday planning. Can we work together on it?”
3. Express Gratitude
The holidays are an ideal time to reflect on what you appreciate about your partner and share it with them. Gratitude is a powerful way to strengthen emotional intimacy, as it reminds both of you of the positive qualities you bring to the relationship. Take time to notice the little things your partner does that make your life better and let them know how much you value them.
Tip: Write a heartfelt letter or a list of reasons why you are grateful for your partner and exchange these notes during a quiet moment together. These small acts of appreciation can make a big difference in how connected you feel.
4. Focus on Connection Over Perfection
It is easy to get caught up in the holiday pressure to create the "perfect" experience, from decorating the house to hosting the ideal family gathering. However, this perfectionism can detract from what really matters: your connection with your partner. Let go of the idea that everything needs to be flawless and instead prioritize shared experiences and meaningful moments.
Tip: Embrace imperfection as part of the season’s charm. Laugh together over mistakes, whether it is a burned pie or tangled lights. These moments often become the ones you remember most fondly.
Conclusion
By prioritizing quality time, sharing responsibilities, expressing gratitude, and letting go of perfection, you can use the holidays as a time to build deeper intimacy with your partner. Focus on what truly matters: your bond, your shared moments, and the love you bring into each other’s lives. This holiday season, let your connection be the greatest gift you give to each other.
Chenglu provides in-person and online sessions at our Center City, Philadelphia location and provides online services to clients in New Jersey. She works with individuals, couples, and families to address depression, anxiety, trauma, life transitions, and cross-cultural issues using evidence-based approaches such as CBT, EMDR, and the Gottman Method.
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