Do you struggle to hear your partner vent? Here is what you can do.

By: Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT, CGT

What type of person makes you want to talk to them? How do they make you feel?

My guess is that the type of person that makes you feel safest is someone that reduces your stress when you go to them. 

The funny thing is that we often INCREASE the stress of the people we love when they come to us with their issues.

We do this by:

• offering solutions

• getting anxious with them

• siding with their enemy

Today, spend 20 minutes reducing another person's stress. If you hear that someone is having a tough time use the following questions to help you to help them:

1. What's the worst part of this?

2. How are you feeling?

3. What do you think you need?

4. Is there anything I can do to support you?

5. What do you think about it all?

Instead of asking questions you can also say things like:

1. Tell me more.

2. I'm still listening, I want to hear it all.

3. Wow. That sounds (insert feeling). I want to hear more about it.

4. I am here.

5. Keep talking.

These types of responses allow the other person to reduce their own stress through talking about their issue. You don't need to get anxious with them. You don't need to cut off. You certainly don't need to give solutions (unless they ask!).

I hope this helps someone to feel more connected and supported by you!

P.S. You can ask someone to do this for you, too.

Philadelphia and West Chester Therapist

Elizabeth is a Philadelphia therapist supporting couples and individuals struggling with unhealthy relationships, setting boundaries, infidelity and life stressors. Elizabeth is the Director of A Better Life Therapy where you can find counseling support for mental health and relationship issues in Pennsylvania.