Why it is so Difficult (and Important) for us to Experience Grief after Loss
By Shade Adekunle, M.Ed. , Philadelphia Therapist
Grief after a loss is a unifying experience we can all participate in as relational beings. Yet, most people struggle when they find themselves grieving.
Why?
Expectations: Sometimes we place expectations on how long the process takes to heal. People also fight against common emotions that accompany grief, such as sadness and anger.
Confusion: There is also a possibility of one denying their grief because they don't believe that they have a right to it. Loss is also not always related to a person! Sometimes loss is related to a dream, a relationship, or how we feel about ourselves. Experiencing grief because we will not receive something we longed and hoped for is still valid. If we think about it this way, life is really filled with longer or shorter waiting periods to experience grief.
So, how do we manage grief?
Accept the reality of the loss. Whether it is a death or loss of an important dream, we must acknowledge that there is now an absence in our lives.
Work through the pain associated with this grief. Acceptance does not make it easier to endure grief! However, it leads us to learn how to be compassionate towards ourselves during such a difficult time. It helps us acknowledge that grief isn't something we can simply push through without feeling.
Learn to adjust to the environment where the deceased is absent. Once we process how painful the absence is, we can face how much this person or thing impacted the way we lived.
Endure + find a connection to the deceased while continuing to live life. It is okay to miss this person for the rest of our lives, and finding a way to connect to their memory can be very meaningful on the journey to healing.
Grief is complex
Grief is complex and not at all a straightforward process. It takes time to rebuild while simultaneously learning how to honor what was lost. Yet, it is necessary to face and process this emotion so we can continue moving forward towards new dreams, new relationships, and new experiences that will be so meaningful to us.
If you find that you are struggling to manage grief on your own, reach out to a mental health provider to gain more clarity and help with navigating this process. Our office can help.
Resources:
Petersen, A., & Jacobsen, M. H. (2018). Grief: The painfulness of permanent human absence. In Emotions, Everyday Life and Sociology (pp. 191-208). Routledge.
About the Author
Folashade (Shade) Adekunle, M.Ed. is a therapist practicing in Philadelphia, PA. She works with adult individuals and couples who have a history of facing trauma, anxiety, depression, racism, relational challenges, grief, illness, and life transitions. She knows that life can be stressful, hard, and oftentimes confusing. She believes that through exploration and understanding, we are able to learn how to better navigate those hard parts of life in the future, while healing from the past. To learn more about or schedule with Shade click here.
About A Better Life Therapy:
A Better Life Therapy is a therapy practices that believes our lives can be better when we focus on our relationships - the relationship we have with ourself and the relationship we have with others. The therapists at A Better Life Therapy are trained to support people experiencing mental health issues and also those proactively tending to their mental wellness.
We offer therapy in-person in Pennsylvania at our Ardmore office and Center City, Philadelphia, office.
We also offer therapy virtually in the following states (states continue to be added, so reach out to info@abetterlifetherapy.com if your state is not listed):
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