Men's Mental Health + The Power of Healthy Relationships
By: Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT
Men's mental health isn't discussed enough. Yet, men are more than twice as likely to have substance use issues than women, men are more likely to experience mental health disorders than women in all categories, and men are more likely to die by suicide. These types of mental health responses are internalizing responses - they are the types of responses to mental health challenges that are experienced within the person and result in harm of the person. Men also externalize their responses to mental health challenges, they are more likely to commit violent crime and partner violence.
When people suffer with mental health challenges, not only do they experience pain but so does the world around them. So, when men are facing mental health challenges at such a high rate, the world will suffer. This is why men and their mental health deserves a close look, empathy, and creative considerations for how to combat the mental health concerns men are facing.
Relationships and Mental Health
There is an incredible amount of research that points to the importance of social connections for our mental health and wellbeing. It's well documented that social connections buffer us against stressful life events (Åslund, Larm, Starrin, & Nilsson, 2014; Maulik, Eaton, & Bradshaw, 2010; Raffaelli et al., 2013), reduce the likelihood of suicidality (Kleiman, Riskind, & Schaefer, 2014) and increase the likelihood we seek help when we need it (Andrea, Siegel, & Teo, 2016).
Men, like any other human, want to have people to express themselves to, feel supported, and receive sympathy and empathy. However, research has shown that while men want this, they often have very few people in their social circles that they believe can offer it (Liang and George (2012). Men often believe they can either go to family or women regarding their challenges but if they do not have supportive family or women in their lives then they might feel incredibly alone.
The issue is not that men don't want social support, it's often that the contexts in which they've learned to relate have made it complicated to figure out how to receive it. One reason for this is that men are modeled "compartmentalization" of their feelings. This means, that they learn at a young age that it is only socially appropriate to talk about feelings to women - for example, their mother, sister, or girlfriend. Because of this, men do not feel comfortable sharing their feelings with other people in their lives.
Compartmentalization makes it challenging to create rich and deep relationships with a number of people which often puts undue pressure on the women in their lives to be their only outlet, and if they do not have a strong relationship with a woman then they might have no one at all to express their challenges with.
Men also experience "policing" of each other. This means that for men who do choose to reach across the aisle and share their feelings with other men, they might experience being mocked, shut down, or called names for expressing sensitivity or vulnerability.
Not only do men experience this response from other men, but the women in their lives might also fall into the narrative. When men express vulnerability - feelings like fear, sadness, confusion - they might be met with contempt from women, for example hearing something like "men aren't supposed to act this way!" or "start acting like a man!".
This social construct increases the likelihood of emotional compartmentalization and creates a burrowing effect in which the man might become more and more internalized regarding their own mental health.
What can we do?
We have to learn to change the gendered conceptualization of men being "less emotional", "more tough", and as "problem solvers" rather than people who also need help, support, and love.
We can do this by changing the language that we use when we engage with the feelings and experiences of men. Part of this is by watching out language and making sure we are not belittling the men in our lives for having feelings, facing uncertainty, or needing help. When male friend, partner, or family member shares that they are struggling, expressing empathy can be incredibly powerful. Also, let them know they do not need to solve the problem on their own.
We can also work on this issue within our young people by teaching our children that it is okay for them to seek help and talk about their feelings regardless of their gender.
Lastly, we can allow people to engage with their mental health in ways that work for them. Not all men will want to have emotionally intimate and vulnerable conversations, so addressing men's mental health cannot rely on getting every single man to feel motivated to do so.
Instead, we can look at other ways to improve mental health, which includes:
Feeling a sense of purpose
Having strong, positive relationships
Focusing on health
Taking time to play
Utilizing mindfulness techniques
Sources:
Liang T. K. L., George T. S. (2012). Men’s experiences of depression and the family’s role in gender socialization: A phenomenological study from urban South India. Journal of Comparative Family Studies, 43(1), 93–132.
Social Support and Health Service Use in Depressed Adults: Findings From the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey. Andrea SB, Siegel SA, Teo AR Gen Hosp Psychiatry. 2016 Mar-Apr; 39():73-9.
The buffering effect of tangible social support on financial stress: influence on psychological well-being and psychosomatic symptoms in a large sample of the adult general population. Åslund C, Larm P, Starrin B, Nilsson KW Int J Equity Health. 2014 Sep 28; 13(1):85.
The effect of social networks and social support on common mental disorders following specific life events. Maulik PK, Eaton WW, Bradshaw CP Acta Psychiatr Scand. 2010 Aug; 122(2):118-28.
Elizabeth is a Philadelphia therapist supporting couples and individuals struggling with unhealthy relationships, setting boundaries, infidelity and life stressors. Elizabeth is the Director of A Better Life Therapy where you can find counseling support for mental health and relationship issues in Pennsylvania.