Learning About Our Needs by Looking at our Childhood Activities
By Carinthia Bank, LSW, MSW, MSC
As children, many of us are able to get involved with activities. We often get started with those activities because they’re fun. Sometimes, the reason we stick with those activities is that they’re giving us something that other elements of our lives aren’t providing. As we get older, we often stop doing the activities as our interests change or pursuits that feel more necessary to adulthood demand more and more of our time.
At some point, we may find ourselves feeling that something is missing. Perhaps we can tick all the boxes on the “I’m an adult” check list, but we’re still not feeling quite right. There may be another list of needs, specific to each of us, that we can’t check off yet – often, we don’t even know we have these needs. The list may be long and complicated, and this post is not meant to help you uncover the whole thing. The goal of this post is to help you get started. The exercise below aims to help you learn about some of your unmet, perhaps less-than-obvious needs by thinking about an activity you did as a child and examining what the activity gave you.
So, find a pen and write down an activity that you did as a child:
Now, how did the activity meet your needs?
Physically
Relationally
Intellectually
Values-wise
Now, think about which of these needs you still have today. Consider exploring how you can get these needs met in your adult life. You may want to pick up that childhood activity again, or you may want to try a couple of different activities. You may also want to change how you approach an activity you’re already doing so you can do it in a way that better meets your needs.
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If you’re having a hard time getting started, try reading through this example.
Activity done as a child: Ballet
How the activity met my needs:
Physically – I liked to move my body, but I was a cautious child. Ballet was a place where it wasn’t weird that I liked to think before I moved and where planning how to do something properly was encouraged over risk-taking. Ballet exhausted me in a way that felt safe and like I was in control.
Ballet met my need to move in my own safe, controlled way.
2. Relationally – I was shy and felt different from other kids my age. Working hard at ballet allowed me to communicate to my teachers that I valued what they had to say, without me needing to speak. Doing something I was good at in an environment where I could be myself helped me develop friendships with people who I felt valued and respected me for who I was.
Ballet met my need for relationships that felt respectful and validating.
3. Intellectually – I liked to think. I especially liked to observe, imagine, and analyze. Ballet challenged my memory, as well as my mental connections between the emotional, narrative, and physical realms. Ballet was a place where my thinking was valued.
Ballet met my need to have my brain challenged and rewarded.
4. Values-wise – I grew up in a social environment where quiet hard work, elegance, old things, and development of the individual self in service of community were valued, and ballet matched with that.
Ballet met my need to have an activity that I could do separately from my family, while still feeling connected with what they valued.
Article by Carinthia Bank, LSW, MSW, MSC
Carinthia is a therapist practicing at our office in Ardmore, Pennsylvania. Carinthia supports people across the Main Line and from the city of Philadelphia to develop a healthier relationship with themselves through mindfulness and DBT therapy. She can support you in transitioning out of a sport based career . To schedule with Carinthia for an appointment at our Ardmore office please click here.