by Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT
“Small things often” is the mantra that happy and healthy couples abide by. They realize that it isn’t the big vacation, the big ring, or the surprise party that maintains a happy and healthy relationship. It’s also not the one off conversation that allows for deep connection.
The things listed above are certainly nice and can make someone feel special but they won’t maintain good feelings over time.
Consistent loving action is what maintains good feelings over time. The daily attempts at connection and repair are what mean the most. They create a sense of trust and commitment and they maintain the friendship.
Here are some small things that can be done often:
1. Expressing gratitude or appreciation for your partner.
2. Responding to your partner’s bids for connection.
3. Siding with them when they are stressed.
4. Giving kisses and hugs every day.
5. Asking open ended questions that express curiosity and a genuine desire to know them.
6. Finding ways to express each love language every week – giving quality time, words of affirmation, a little gift, some service, and physical touch.
What are the small things that you do to maintain your relationship?
Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT is a licensed marriage therapist in Philadelphia. Elizabeth supports individuals and couples improve the relationship they have with themselves and others through better communication, self soothing, and a clear understanding of what a successful marriage looks like. She believes that any committed couples who is willing to do the work can walk away from therapy with more clarity and connection in their relationship.