• Contact Now | Schedule an Appointment

    100 S Broad St Suite 1304 | Philadelphia, PA 19110

    Info@abetterlifetherapy.com | 267-838-0066

  • A Better Life Therapy, LLC

    • Home
    • Therapists
    • Services Provided
      • Individual Therapy
      • Couples Therapy
        • Couples Therapy
        • Gottman Method Therapy
        • Premarital Counseling
        • Co-Parenting Therapy
        • Intensive Couples Therapy
      • Family Therapy
      • Career Counseling
      • Group Therapy
      • Distance Therapy
    • Getting Started
      • FAQs
      • Rates and Insurance
      • Client Forms
      • Schedule Online
    • Contact
    • Blog
    • Professionals
      • Supervision
      • Private Practice Consulting
      • Jobs

    Signs Your Relationship Is In Danger

    March 21, 2018
    Philadelphia Couples Therapy

    By Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT

    Through my work with couples, I have found that there are particular behaviors that are especially harmful in relationships. The most harmful of the behaviors is a sense of disrespect towards your partner. Many times, I find that people don’t recognize that their behaviors are disrespectful towards their partner. Disrespectful behavior towards our partners is often born out of resentments and past hurts. While this does not excuse the behavior, it does help to gain insight, understanding, and empathy around the issue. You might note, that many of the behaviors listed below signal disrespect, but if not curbed can actually become abuse at their most extreme.

    If you recognize some of the behaviors in the following list occurring in your relationship it does not mean that the writing is on the wall. You can take personal responsibility for your role in the following behaviors and help to reverse the damage while creating a more loving and happy marriage.

    Relationship Behaviors that Signal Disrespect:


    Contempt – According to research done by Dr. John Gottman, contempt is a dangerous sign that you relationship is headed for a split. Contempt is a feeling of disgust and superiority over your partner. Signs that you are feeling (or receiving) contempt are eye rolls, smirking, sarcasm, and laughing/snickering when you see your partner upset. Contempt is the belief that you are superior to your partner and showing it by dismissing, denigrating, and making fun of them. The cure for contempt is empathy. Humanize your partner by seeing similarities within yourself.


    Making Unilateral Decisions – Unilateral decisions are a signal that you do not take the influence of your partner seriously. In my office, I take note when partners use the word “I” when discussing decisions rather than “we”. While it is okay to have a sense of self and independence, it is a sign of disrespect to disregard your partner in decisions that concern him or her.


    Reversed Windows and Walls – Windows and Walls is a concept introduced in Shirley Glass’ book “Not Just Friends”, a book on understanding and recovery from infidelity. It is a metaphor for the boundaries you should have around your relationship. Healthy couples create a “wall” around outside influences that could be damaging. These outside dangers are varied, but a common issue is friendships that could become romantic partnerships. “The window” is a symbol for how  much of information is being shared. The window should be opened for your partner, in which you share emotions, thoughts, needs, and desires. Unhealthy relationships often open the window for the outside world in which they share and take in too much negative or private information about their relationships. If you find yourself sharing private information about your partner, complaining about him or her to your friends, or allowing other’s to denigrate your partner then you know you’ve “reversed” the window. Towards the end of a relationship, couples are often sharing too much with outsiders and are sharing very little with their partners.


    Philadelphia marriage therapyElizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT is a marriage therapist practicing in Center City, Philadelphia. Elizabeth works with couples of varying ages and levels of commitment to help them understand their relationship better. To read more click here or to click here to schedule online. 

    Filed Under: Couples/Marriage, Elizabeth Earnshaw, Uncategorized Tagged With: Boundaries, couples, Gottman, Infidelity, Marriage, philadelphia

    Leave a Reply Cancel reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    Contact Elizabeth

    267-838-0066
    earnshawmft@gmail.com
    Fees: $140.00+

    Specialities

    • Relationship Issues
    • Infidelity
    • Divorce/ Separation
    • Money Issues
    • Conflict Management
    • Intimacy and Sexual Issues
    • Communication Issues
    • Premarital Counseling
    • Break ups/ Heartbreak
    • Trauma/ PTSD
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Grief & Loss
    • Self Esteem Issues
    • Transitions

    Education & Training

    • PA License # : MF000872
    • Thomas Jefferson University –
      Master’s in Couples & Family Therapy (MFT)
    • The Council for Relationships –
      Practicum in individual, family, and couple’s therapy.
    • Temple University-
      Bachelor’s in Education & Organizational Development
      Certificate in Mindfulness & Meditation
    • Project Fleur de Lis – New Orleans-
      Grief & Trauma Intervention Training (GTI)
      Mental Health Triage Training
      Certificate in Cognitive Behavioral Intervention for Trauma (CBITS)
      Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT).
      Prepare 1 and 2
      ​Prepare/Enrich
      Registered Facilitator for Premarital and Parenting Programs
    • National Marriage Seminars
      Gottman Method Training Level 1, Level 2, and Level 3
    • International Association of Trauma Professionals (IATP)
    • Elizabeth has supported both adults and children on their healing journey in Philadelphia, Baltimore, Savlador, Brazil, and New Orleans, Louisiana.
    • Treatment Modalities: CBT, Mindfulness Based, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Narrative Therapy, Structural Therapy, Gottman, Trauma Focused (TF-CBT)

    Memberships:

    • Clinical Member of American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT)
    • Member of The Thomas Jefferson Alumni Board
    • Approved Member of Gottman Relationship Checkup
    • International Association of Trauma Professionals (IATP)
    • Bridge Yoga Board Secretary​

    Treatment Modalities

    • CBT
    • Mindfulness Based
    • Emotionally Focused Therapy
    • Narrative Therapy
    • Structural Therapy
    • Gottman
    • Trauma Focused (TF-CBT)

    Blog Categories

    • Anxiety
    • Ariel Stern
    • Behavioral Challenges
    • Carly
    • Carly McDade
    • Connection
    • Couples/Marriage
    • Deirdre
    • Deirdre Cosgrove
    • Depression
    • Elizabeth
    • Elizabeth Earnshaw
    • End of Relationship
    • Family
    • Lauren Rosner
    • Mindfulness
    • New Baby
    • Parenting
    • Uncategorized

    A Better Life Therapy, LLC

    100 S Broad St Suite 1304
    Philadelphia, PA 19110

    267-838-0066
    Info@abetterlifetherapy.com

    View Our Therapists

    Schedule an Appointment

    • Facebook

    Contact Us Today

    A Better Life Therapy, LLC
    Info@abetterlifetherapy.com | 267-838-0066

    A Website by Brighter Vision | Privacy Policy